You can’t read a robot’s mind, can’t expect vultures to be kind
Just so someone can swear at their screen and shake their head in a pitying fashion at me, worry about my eyesight and mental health herein is my list of…
Inappropriate Crushes
How inappropriate you think they are depends largely on 1) your worldview 2)your eyesight 3) your sexual orientation* 4) your psychological well-being…
Some are long term ones, some are more recent. Broadly those at the top are more recent.
Anyways some of these are entirely from an aesthetic point of view (i.e. I know
they’re a bit of a cunt, but gosh are they are pretty one and frankly you don’t need to talk for ten minutes or so), others from an “I’d quite like to lure you home and keep you, and not only shag* you senseless but actually have conversations with you, and I might even not have a hissy fit when you inevitably beat me at CoD Zombies” point of view. I’ll leave you to work out which are which… (oh and I’m fully aware some people on this list are dead, but no I don’t have some necrophiliac desires)
Richard Herring
Jenson Button
You Know Who
Michael McIntyre
Dominic West
Ben Goldacre
James May
Peter Capaldi
Charlie Brooker
Ken Stott
Alex Norton
Eddie Izzard
Mark Thomas
Ben Miller
Jeremy Hardy
Alan Rickman
John Lydon
Brent Spiner
Jonathan Miller
Paul Jones
Gary Oldman
Lenny Henry
Humphrey Lyttelton
David Duchovny
Howard Stableford
Michael Palin
Sherlock Holmes
Graeme Garden
James Stewart
Brian Cant
Alan Bennett
Johnny Morris
Broadly I think you could sum up my taste in men as-clever, grumpy, funny, argumentative, middle aged, fashion-allergic, brown-haired. Preferably socialist (though there’s one notable, though dead, exception on there), a wee bit rebellious, probably atheist or agnostic, with an appreciation of jazz, blues or shouty music.
*Am I the only person who conjours up images of some kind of induction day when people say “sexual orientation”? Like when you start a new job “this is your orientation week”…and yes I am actually juvenile enough to have sniggered under my hand when someone said that to me when we started college.
*Actually I loathe this word, fuck is much better, but it just doesn’t work in the sentence.
Tags: alan bennett, alan rickman, alex norton, ben goldacre, ben miller, brent spiner, brian cant, charlie brooker, cute but cuntish, david duchovny, eddie izzard, funny people, gary oldman, graeme garden, howard stableford, humph, james may, jimmy stewart, jnbt, johnny morris, johnny rotten, jonathan miller, ken stott, lenny henry, lists, mark thomas, men folk, michael mcintyre, michael palin, paul jones, richard herring, sherlock holmes, taggart, tomorrows world, was not was
Brian Cant???
A childhood one…I did say inappropriate for a variety of reasons.
Well, I certainly go for most of these myself. We’ve got great taste in men!
Indeed we have!